I just realized there’s a pretty psychotic split between the last two posts – I love my job, my job is destroying my brain… What gives there?Easy answer: I have multiple jobs.
I work in theater. I lovelovelove that. I get to sew costumes, I get to do arts and crafts, I get paid to work out (that’s the load-in load-out crew stuff), I get to meet crazy-cool people and learn all sorts of new tricks from people who run wardrobe for a living – it’s great. It’s also feast-or-famine – there’s either way too much work, or there’s none to be had. You take what you can get, and try to find ways to ride out the slow times.
I work for myself. I’m pretty serious about this whole blog/ebooks/patterns business. I get to geek out and do what I love, and hopefully be of some use to others. That’s about the best thing there is. :) But I’m no where near ready to support myself with it yet, and I’m dead opposed to selling ad space on the site, so it’s going to take a while to grow.
I do web-dev stuff. It’s not that I hate it, generally speaking. I just find that if I do too much of it for too long, I start thinking like a programmer again. My mind goes all sort of eine-swei-eine-swei rigid, and I think more in terms of workflow and “how”.
And the problem with spending all your time wondering “How do I..?” is that you stop asking “What if I…?” It’s that whole Zen thing about the beginner’s mind.
It just annoys me a little when I notice that my mind is starting to slip back into old habits. I didn’t like myself very much when I was programming all the time. It made me kinda spikey, and I could never understand why people were always getting all shadey with me, and I had a really hard time saying simple things like “I don’t know how to do that.” Bring up all your preconceptions about a scared little geek-girl with no social skills to speak of and way to much ego – that was me. I stayed away from programming for years because I hated what it did to me. It was the hardest thing to look at going back in to it, even for my own purposes, and try to approach it with a more open attitude.
It’s just something I have to be mindful of, or I start slipping back into that old self. I really, really don’t want to do that. I like who I am now.
The things we do for a stable paycheck, right? *laugh*